becoming too damn efficient.
and co workers have separately commented on how organized
I am (despite the chaos of my desk).
ask to borrow books, and instead of taking the book on a two
hour drive, I look up the prices of the book online and realize
it’s cheaper for the friend to buy the book than for
me to pay the gas. (And that’s before I drive down to
pick up the book again.)
friend suggests a gift for a friend, and I offer to pick it
up, and find it for $15 less than originally thought.
first reaction to any suggestion is "how can we make
this better. Is this the best way to do it?" Unfortunately,
that snap reaction is less than friendly, no matter how rational
it may be.
the same way with myself though. I find the "best"
way to solve my immediate needs, because I'm so damn bad at
addressing my core wants and needs.
I have a pair of pants that are machine washable and dryable.
Well past their prime, but they're always an easy choice.
Only problem is the pockets slowly dissolved in the laundry.
"addressing my wants and needs" answer would be
to find a pair of pants that meet all the same great criteria
these pants meet. They don't hold onto cat hair. They don't
fade over time. They don't need to be ironed.
I can't find another pair of pants like that. All other pairs
need to be dry cleaned or at least ironed, or don't have pockets,
or hold onto cathait like velcro. So I replace badly worn
pockets. And then, when they don’t turn out just right,
I somehow find the exact same pair of pants when I'm out scouring
the sales. Yes, three years after they were stocked in stores,
I somehow stumble over the same pair of pants in my size in
the deep discount racks of a mall I rarely go to. And they're
on sale of course.
I can have that kind of luck, why can't I be lucky enough
to find a different pair of pants whose pockets won't dissolve
in coming months?
If my life was so damn perfect, I wouldn’t have piles
of crap in the front hall, laundry on the floor of my closet,
and a dishwasher full of dirty dishes.
me for a moment.
better. Now the dishwasher will be ready to empty tomorrow
what’s the problem with this focus on efficiency, you
ask? Why do I rub it in your face, as if to say “look
at all I have at my fingertips” “look at all I
not having any fun doing it. In fact, it’s totally stressing
schedule multiple stops on the way home on different days,
which means many days I don’t get home before 7:30.
If my boss asks me a question, I generally have an answer
and an explanation at my fingertips – because I’m
terrified I’ll lose my job if I can’t immediately
answer how much it cost for us to do a tiny ad in the some
province no one lives in.
can’t resist the urge to leave the house every damn
day, weekend or no weekend. I’m always shopping for
groceries, or picking up something to fix something, or trying
to find a present for someone. I have damn lists all over
the place. I have a killer spreadsheet at work, so on the
last day of every month I can tell you how many projects I
completed that month, who paid for them, and the average amount
of time it took to complete each project.
of my co-workers say I’m a machine. I don’t wanna
be a machine. I want to be able to sit and fucking think for
a moment rather than managing from crisis to crisis. Spontaneity
is nice. Spontaneity every 5 minutes is a serious lifestyle
every file at work has a checklist stapled to it, which is
cross-referenced to a master active project list, which also
cross-references a master spreadsheet of all the projects
I worked on the fiscal year.
majority of my pseudo free time is spent watching TV. Frequently
it's while making dinner or folding laundry. Aside from that,
it’s working out, making dinner, doing laundry, cleaning
house, and finding some stupid excuse to leave the house and
spend money. What a ridiculous existence!
prefer a regimented life, which means I have to schedule things
or I end up wasting all my time. So all my organizational
controls have put my life out of my own control. Go shopping
for clothes? Gotta make plans. And then I’ll try on
things only if they fall into the list of needs. Saw a jacket
I kinda wanted. Didn’t even try it on because I don’t
want to want something I can’t have.
don’t want to want something I can’t have.
That’s pretty poignant. That’s the type of insightful
stuff I come up with when I take the time to think. When I
have no time to think, I say silly things like “I have
to employ middle finger management with these people.”
Which sounds pretty witty but really says nothing at all.