recently had an ex-beau contact me out of the blue. Not that
unusual really. I'm sure a few exes have looked me up just
out of sheer curiosity. I know I've googled a few of my exes
when I had nothing to do at work.
was funny to see what my first emotional response was to reading
his email: amusement and guilt. Kind of like a milk and phlegm
loogie — all mingled and mixed together, hard to tell
which is which, but still two distinct and very different
of all of the beaus of all of my history, he would have been
one of the last I would peg as contacting me. Upon reflection,
it's not that surprising. Much as I can be, he was at his
happiest when he was emotionally tortured. Or at least he
seemed that way. Lusted after contentment, but never content
when he got it.
while experiencing my own phase of torture or be tortured,
I chose to fuck with his mind. Well, well after the relationship
had ended. A hideous pointless psychological experiment to
shake my boredom long after we'd gone our separate ways. It
was pointless and infantile. No idea why I did it.
are things I've done in my life that I wish I hadn't done.
Things that horrify me upon reflection. The way I acted is
well positioned on the shelf of regret. My actions could be
perceived at the time as nothing but malicious, yet had I
been confronted at the time, my response would have been "lighten
anyone who dated me and wonders whatever happened to me...here's
you're an ex, and you want to know what I learned from the
whole ex-perience, see if you can pick your lesson
out from a lineup.