long do you think the heart remembers after the mind forgets?
you've been hurt very badly by someone, you go through a phase
where you fantasize about every conceivable way of hurting
the person. Physically. Emotionally. Perhaps even an examination
of what ratio of physical to psychic pain you're after. If
you're dumb, you act on those urges. If you're smart, you
find other outlets for those urges. Like smoking. Or kick
boxing. Or "good living".
you ran into that person years later, long after you've forgotten
all that crap, could your subconscious formulate a plan to
finally enact revenge, without you even realizing it? Is it
possible that you'd act on that plan without realising it
at the time?
you remember the magic key to hurting them, and use it?
have a former friend who once stopped talking to me in high
sit around in the morning before classes and she'd push-push-push
my buttons. There were so many things that she and I disagreed
on at a fundamental level. Sometimes it was fun, but often
one morning said those three beautiful words: "Fuck off,
bitch." (or perhaps it was "shut up, cunt"...
stood up without a word and walked away.
next day I went up to her at her locker and apologized. Got
nothing but cold cold silence. And so I figured the friendship
6 months later she called me out of the blue. And I just let
her off the hook. Just like that. Ignored the fact we hadn't
talked in what seemed like a lifetime, and just made it easy
for her. She later gave a half-assed excuse why she hadn't
talked to me for so long. I realised the reason she started
talking to me again was her new friend drove her bonkers.
then on, we'd orbit into each others' lives every so often
through university and post-university life. From occassional
contact to sharing a house, and back to occassional contact.
Eventually she moved out of the country, and we talked maybe
once a year. I was fine with that. More than fine actually.
reasons don't matter, but I eventually decided that I felt
better when she wasn't in my life. Not even worth spending
the annual "let get together" lunch. So I decided
to disappear. Just gone.
called. She's left emails. She's left heart bearing voicemails.
And I decided cold cold silence was the way to go. I rationalise
it away with "no one wants to know what they did wrong
when the "wrong" is just be herself... Anything
I say would be cruel and hurtful."
I know her pretty well. And a few years later, I wonder if
my heart has decided this was the best revenge.