I do not get
along with hot tubs.
This isn't one
of those female anatomy health things. Yes, they've been bad for my sex
life, but not in that way.
My first opportunity
to enjoy a hot tub was at a beau's parent's house in university. I wanted
to make love in the hot tub (being young and naive and believing too much
of what I'd seen depicted in film). He refused, which was my first
My second disappointment
came about half an hour later in his parents' bed, when he told me after
making love (or perhaps "doin' it" would be more accurate)
that, much to my surprise, I was not his “girlfriend”. How strange, given
our 6 month ongoing public relationship. On the way home I recall
thinking, in an effort to crank up my indignance, "I finally got to
try a hot tub and he ruined it for me."
A fling and a
beau later, I would again try the hot tub experiment. But this time I was
in the driver's seat... down to Niagara Falls to stay in a room with a
heart shaped tub.
By the time the
pink champagne was cracked and the bubble bath was being added, the beau
wasn't feeling too good. He put on a brave face throughout, though it was
obvious he wasn't enjoying it. Few things are less romantic than your
partner "enduring" foreplay. Later we found out he had come
down with mono, and it was at its worse that weekend.
About 6 years
and a break-up later, I was again with the same person in a hotel in
Windsor. I'd convinced my friend-with-privileges of the value of a
hot-tub suite. But that night he refused to join me in the tub, for
reasons unknown to me. Maybe on some level he knew that would turn out to
be our last night together. Or maybe he was just pissed that we'd had
such a crappy time at the casino. Who knew the biggest gamble I'd lose is
the extra $$ we spent for the hot tub.
A few years
ago, I visited Mexico with my sweetheart. Our room had a hot tub. And
while he was more than willing to join me in the tub, he fell under the
spell of a day of beer and sunshine, capped with a warm soak in pulsating
water. Too relaxed and exhausted for dinner or much else, he passed out,
and I resigned myself to finishing my book and missing our dinner
liked the idea of hot tubs. But perhaps I should learn and just give up
on the dream. Because after all this time, it seems that I can either
have the hot tub, or the man, but never, ever both.